lurkertech.com → Homeland Security Threat Chart
Homeland Security Threat Chart
Ever wonder what Homeland Security condition green, blue, yellow, orange, and red really mean?You can proudly display this chart in your home or workplace in order to help protect yourself from those who hate our freedom:
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Homeland Security Checkpoint
I originally created the threat chart as part of our Homeland Security Checkpoint at Burning Man 2006:
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta
Our team of highly-trained, meticulously-screened officers was placed strategically across the mouth of a major intersection during the more-than-40,000-person event. We intercepted suspicious-looking persons and, using the latest in American security technology, determined if these subjects were with us—or against us:
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta performing a Body Cavity Check
In the image above, we see a subject willingly submitting himself to the Homeland Security Body Cavity Check:
The Body Cavity Check is a minor inconvenience to which we must occasionally place our American citizens. It's just a small price to pay for enduring freedom.
At the checkpoint, we would also confiscate any liquids that subjects were attempting to carry through. Our program also included thorough, random Security Wand scans which—strangely enough—would frequently reveal illegal contraband that the terrorists were hiding in this location:
Officer Bob and Officer Roberta Security Wand scan a subject
Recent advances in Total Information Awareness and terrorist psycho-profiling have allowed our Department to greatly reduce inconvenience and waiting time for our loyal citizens. For example, at our checkpoint, we were able to immediately wave through any low-risk subjects (e.g. those wearing turbans, those with long scraggly beards, those carrying swords, maces, or other homemade electro-chemical devices) and focus on the real terrorists.
Here, Chief Officer Bob assails a high-risk terrorist suspect (off camera) for failing to vote Republican:
Officer Bob and Chief Officer Bob maintain vigilance
Our checkpoint offered many services to the Burning Man event, incuding the dissemination of critical warnings and information:
If you would like more information about our Homeland Security Checkpoint, you can check the DHS Home Page, or in a pinch you can also check this website or this website under "Homeland Security Checkpoint."
Thanks for your vigilance and your continuing patriotism.
Chris Pirazzi, chris@pirazzi.net
