You can proudly display this chart in your home or workplace in order to help protect yourself from those who hate our freedom:
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Our team of highly-trained, meticulously-screened officers was placed strategically across the mouth of a major intersection during the more-than-40,000-person event. We intercepted suspicious-looking persons and, using the latest in American security technology, determined if these subjects were with us—or against us:
In the image above, we see a subject willingly submitting himself to the Homeland Security Body Cavity Check:
The Body Cavity Check is a minor inconvenience to which we must occasionally place our American citizens. It's just a small price to pay for enduring freedom.
At the checkpoint, we would also confiscate any liquids that subjects were attempting to carry through. Our program also included thorough, random Security Wand scans which—strangely enough—would frequently reveal illegal contraband that the terrorists were hiding in this location:
Recent advances in Total Information Awareness and terrorist psycho-profiling have allowed our Department to greatly reduce inconvenience and waiting time for our loyal citizens. For example, at our checkpoint, we were able to immediately wave through any low-risk subjects (e.g. those wearing turbans, those with long scraggly beards, those carrying swords, maces, or other homemade electro-chemical devices) and focus on the real terrorists.
Here, Chief Officer Bob assails a high-risk terrorist suspect (off camera) for failing to vote Republican:
Our checkpoint offered many services to the Burning Man event, incuding the dissemination of critical warnings and information:
If you would like more information about our Homeland Security Checkpoint, you can check the DHS Home Page, or in a pinch you can also check this website or this website under "Homeland Security Checkpoint."
Thanks for your vigilance and your continuing patriotism.
Chris Pirazzi, chris@pirazzi.net
Support This Site | Has this site helped, informed, or amused you? Please support my work and ongoing site improvements in one of these ways: |
Use your credit card or PayPal to donate in support of the site. | |
Use this link to Amazon—you pay the same, I get 4%. | |
Learn Thai with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Dictionary app: iOS, Android, Windows. | |
Experience Thailand richly with my Talking Thai-English-Thai Phrasebook app. | |
Visit China easily with my Talking Chinese-English-Chinese Phrasebook app. | |
I co-authored this bilingual cultural guide to Thai-Western romantic relationships. | |
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Copyright | All text and images copyright 1999-2023 Chris Pirazzi unless otherwise indicated. |